Loneliness and the Half Shekel

​This Shabbat we mark Shabbat Shekalim to commemorate that every person was commanded to give a half-shekel for the upkeep of the Temple.

Everyone gave the same amount, regardless of whether they were rich or poor, nobility or commoner. There is a beautiful message in that: everyone is considered equal before G-d.

Even though we are all individuals and can stand alone, the ideal is not to be alone. We all come from Adam and Chava, and as a result, are equal in our ancestry.

But it was not good for Adam to be alone, he needed a companion.

Each person gives the half-shekel, and those half-shekels add up to a much greater whole. So each person is distinct as an individual, but we complement one another.

Entering a relationship allows us to be closer to someone and find a companion. But it also makes us vulnerable and susceptible to getting hurt.

Studies have shown that people with companions live longer​. ​ We are communal beings and we need social networks and social support. Some of us, however, have barriers that prevent us from connecting at a deep level, and this creates loneliness. Mindfulness can help lower or remove those barriers.

​University of Chicago researchers investigating the neuroscience of loneliness found that a lonely brain is​ overly​ in-tune with social cues, ​especially​ the ones signaling a social threat. ​People who feel lonely are subconsciously scanning their environment for hostility​ and threats​, which may​ minimize ​their connecting to positive social experiences​. ​According to the study, people who experience loneliness should " get out of their heads''.

In mindfulness practice, we notice our mind and thoughts, but train ourselves to pay attention to body sensations in the present moment.​ ​ We can train ourselves to become more aware of ​ our thoughts and ​feelings, such as vulnerability and lack of trust, ​which prevent us from connecting with people​. Mindfulness ​can ​give us tools to identify the triggers of those ​thoughts or ​emotions, and helps us manage them​.

The contribution of the half-shekel illustrates that each individual is important on his/ her own, but that each person is also part of something bigger than themselves. Knowing that we are part of a larger community can alleviate loneliness and give existential meaning to our lives.

The Virtue of Humility

The Virtue of Humility

In this week’s parsha Tetzaveh, we learn about the details of the building of the tabernacle and also about the korban tamid (daily sacrifices).

The people of Israel were redeemed from slavery with miraculous signs and wonders, they were led through the desert with more miracles, received the ten commandments, and then they were commanded to build a tabernacle.

Why is so much explanation given to the building of the tabernacle? Some of our commentators explain that up until now, the people were more passive in the redemption process. However, in order to become a nation, they needed to make the relationship with G-d a mutual one, meaning they needed to take an active role and recognize G-d.

The relationship had to be an active, two-way relationship.

So why the tabernacle? It is considered a place where “G-d will dwell among them,” where they can cultivate a close relationship and deeper understanding of G-d.

So why mention the Korban Tamid?

At the end of this week’s portion, it says “and they shall know.”

The Ibn Ezra explains that Am Yisrael should remember that G-d took them out of Egypt and freed them from slavery.

Giving a daily sacrifice –morning and evening– can encourage the people to remember and acknowledge their freedom and who redeemed them.

Sometimes we forget what someone did for us after time has passed.

Maybe it’s pride, lack of humility, or just lack of awareness.

Recognizing influences outside of ourselves is called humility

Mindfulness practice can help us cultivate humility.

Humility requires self-awareness.

Humble people have an accurate picture of themselves—both their faults and their gifts.

Mindfulness fosters our self-awareness by giving us permission to stop and notice our thoughts and emotions without judgment.

Self-awareness can make us less self-focused and more focused on those around us—a characteristic of humble people.

Thinking outside of ourselves can help us be conscious of those who have helped us.

Being conscious of what you have can help you to develop a sharper awareness of those who have contributed to making you what you are.

Sometimes we appreciate someone’s words or actions but fail to communicate this to them – we assume they know.

If you develop the habit of showing appreciation in your everyday life to those around you, then it becomes more natural, and this helps foster humility.

Who would you like to show appreciation to?

Feeling Safe

It's important to pay attention. It makes us aware of what we're doing. It helps people around us feel listened to.

When someone isn’t paying attention, people could get hurt and we won't feel safe.

For example, driving. If you're not paying attention while driving, you could injure yourself and others. Consider, therefore, practicing mindful driving: avoid any distractions (YOUR PHONE!), scan the road for surprises, and be ready to react.

Studies have shown that when a driver’s mind is focused on something other than driving—a daydream, a worry, a text, a video, or a phone conversation—the driver’s brain may not react to what the eyes detect on the road ahead.

What does it mean to behave mindlessly?

Mindlessness is what some call being on “autopilot.” When our brain is on autopilot, we are more likely to engage in risky behavior because we are less attentive.

Mindfulness is the opposite: When you are mindful, you are living in the present moment and paying more attention to what you are doing. A person who is situationally aware is attentive to their environment and their relationships.

The Torah is a book of laws. There are many reasons for these laws, but one of them is to keep order and keep us safe. This week we read Mishpatim, or Laws. We have commandments dealing with civil legislation, property laws, damages, and moral offenses. Society cannot exist without these laws; society cannot be moral without these laws.

Mindfulness can help us maintain a sense of order within ourselves, which can hopefully spread to the people around us.

The impact can be great.

Many of us are involved in changing the world, which is obviously important, but we often forget about how powerful and important it is to change ourselves.

We all have inner tensions that we too often ignore. When these tensions are ignored, they may influence the world around us.

For example, if we are holding on too tightly to our emotions, it may affect our relationships: the way we communicate, and the way we interact with the world.

Mindfulness can help us regulate our emotions, which in turn can help us feel more in control, safe, and secure – all of which radiates to those around us.